11.27.2005

Things I've Learned

My father suffered a massive heart attack on November 15. He died, without regaining consciousness, on November 16. We buried him November 21. I've learned many things since then.

  • Some people can cling to life, until the last member of the family has a chance to say good-bye.
  • One person touches many different lives.
  • When someone passes away, people will take up the work of the departed.
  • When you get called away from your regular life, people will step in for you.
  • Neighbors will come to your aid.
  • People deal with grief in many different ways. Some people cry, others get to work, and there are some who delay their grief.
  • Family members will surprise you with strengths you didn't know they possessed.
  • Grave-side funerals for veterans are beautiful, a 21 gun salute, a bugle playing Taps, a Bible and flag presented to a widow.
  • The ties to remaining family deepen.
  • Write a will, and a living will, your family will thank you for it.
  • Working through grief takes time.
  • Feelings of sorrow do not know when the proper time or place is to start welling up in your heart.

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18 Comments:

Blogger Lazy Daisy said...

What you learned are hard and valuable lessons. Grief is hard work and just when you think you've learned all the lessons it has to teach .....you learn more.

The holidays will be hard this year and for many years to come. My dad died on my sister's birthday and was buried on mine. That was over 20 years ago and I still think about it every birthday.

You are a remarkable writer, and your insights are valuble gifts to those of us who have been through the grief process or will go through it.

My thoughts and prayers remain with you and your family. Kathy

11/27/05, 11:27 PM  
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Blogger Marie said...

I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, Barbara.

11/28/05, 7:24 AM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your father. I lost my dad years ago to cancer. It was such a shock, he died two months after finding out he had it. He died on October 17th and that year I spent my first Thanksgiving with just my husband and children. I had taken care of him until the end and needed to get back home to my family. It was a very difficult time. I remember allowing myself to cry and before I knew it my tears were replaced by happy memories. I hope you experience the same. Tears do flush out sorrow, but you need them non the less. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless you all!
Maryanne

11/28/05, 9:23 AM  
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Blogger Lisa said...

I am so sorry! How awful for you and your family. :(

It is amazing how people are when a loved one dies.

11/28/05, 11:32 AM  
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Blogger Running2Ks said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I will pray for your family. The lessons learned are beautiful.

11/28/05, 6:17 PM  
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Blogger Anita said...

Barbara,

I'm sorry I wasn't one of the people around to help you. What a shock. Please know that I'm happy to assist in anyway possible if you just need a break . . .

Your post was very moving. My thoughts are with you.

11/29/05, 12:47 PM  
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Blogger Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry, Barbara.
I thought it was fitting that your last post before his death told a funny story about him. I hope he left you with many, many happy memories to help you through the next few days and years. (((HUGS)))

11/29/05, 7:30 PM  
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Blogger Barbara said...

Thanks for all your kind thoughts. Bloggers are such great people, and very eloquent.

11/29/05, 10:10 PM  
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Blogger Barbara said...

Jennifer - I was thinking the same thought about the post previous to my Dad's death. My father always had a positive outlook.

11/29/05, 10:24 PM  
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Anonymous Karin said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away almost six years ago, and though I still miss her terribly, time, as they say, does make it easier. Give yourself that time and hang in there.

11/30/05, 1:29 AM  
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Blogger Suzanne said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is with you.

Your thoughts on it provide so much insight. Thank you for your gift in this time of terrible sorrow.

11/30/05, 7:00 AM  
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Blogger LutherPunk said...

I am terribly sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your family and friends during these times.

May your father enjoy eternal rest, and may God's light perpetually shine on him.

11/30/05, 9:02 AM  
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Anonymous Janet said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad.

11/30/05, 10:12 PM  
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Blogger Barbara said...

Karin - Thank you for sharing your experience with me.

Suzanne - It's nice to know I'm in your thoughts, thanks for your kind words.

Lutherpunk - Is it synchronicity that I got sandwiched between two Lutheran pastors?

Janet - Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

11/30/05, 10:45 PM  
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Blogger Carol said...

Barbara,
Life and Death are teachers. Thanks for sharing the things you learned.

12/1/05, 1:22 AM  
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Blogger Zube Girl said...

Barbara, I'm so sorry. It's strange, though, that while death is sad, it can be very life affirming. People can be beautiful in times of trouble.

You're in my thoughts.

12/2/05, 7:32 PM  
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Blogger Barbara said...

Carol - I have to agree.

Zube Girl - Thanks for your kind thoughts.

12/6/05, 7:46 AM  
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Anonymous colleen said...

Wow...I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I love the list...and it's especially meaningful now. I hope you're doing okay. It must have shocked you when you saw my father just died too.

12/7/05, 11:43 PM  
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